You Got the Job… Now WTF Do You Do?

Congrats! You crushed the interviews, finessed your way past 37 rounds of “culture fit” questions, and now you’ve got the job. But after the confetti settles, the real question hits:

How do you not totally flop in your first 90 days?

Let’s break it down — no corporate jargon, just survival tips with main character energy.

Step 1: Investigate (but make it corporate)

Your first week isn’t about proving you're a genius — it’s about observation mode. Watch. Listen. Read every slack or teams thread like it's piping hot tea.

What to look for:

• Who actually makes decisions (hint: it’s not always your manager)

• What apps they really use (Slack, teams, that rogue Google Sheet from 2019....?)

• What topics are sacred (i.e., don’t diss the team’s favorite coffee shop or in-house celebrities)

  
  

📌 Pro tip: Start a doc called “Stuff I Wish Someone Just Told Me” — future you will cry thank-you tears.

Step 2: Ask Smart Questions (and repeat people's names like a politician)

Don’t be scared to say, “I’m new, can you walk me through that?” "That's a new acronym for me, what does it stand for?" People love sounding smart. And you will be annoyed by how many corporate acronyms and jargon terms exist. Use this space to your advantage.

Good questions:

• “What does success actually look like in this role? What are your expectations of me?”

• “Who should I talk to if I want to learn more about ___?”

• “What’s something people usually mess up when they’re new? Any watchouts you have for me?”

Bad questions:

• “When do I get promoted?” on Day 2 (chill.) You will look like an idiot with this lack of awareness.

• "Do I get to go on this trip with the rest of the team?" on Day 2 (chill). The perks will come but not if you are putting out the vibes of "give me" instead of "this is what I have to offer."

  
  

Step 3: Underpromise, Overdeliver, and Don’t Be Weird About Calendars

Early trust is everything. Want to look like a legend?

• Show up to meetings 2 minutes early. Schedule buffer time in-between your meetings. Don't always be the late one. You want to be relied upon, not an annoyance.

• Send a recap after group calls, especially if you are the meeting organizer (your boss will worship you).

• Give pre-reads into the discussion topics if you can; people hate surprises.

• Finish things faster than expected (but don’t brag — just let the results talk)

  
  

📌 Pro tip: if your calendar isn’t blocked off, people will hijack your day. Protect your time like it’s concert tickets to the Eras Tour.

Step 4: Make Work Friends (But Not Weirdly Fast)

The “don’t talk to anyone and just grind” mindset? That’s not the flex you think it is. Instead:

• Find the chill person/open person in every meeting and connect.

• Don't be the person who only talks to people because you need something; invest in getting to know people. Not a small talker? Ask them something you are genuinely interested in.

• Attend the optional Zoom happy hour (yes, once). You need to connect with as many people as you can.

• Compliment someone’s work or contribution (don't be a know it all, be authentic) — it works like magic. "I really like the way you approached this conflict. It was helpful learning for me as a new employee. Thank you."

  
  

📌 Pro tip: The faster you connect with actual humans, the faster you stop feeling like the intern no one trained.

Step 5: Chill. No One Knows Everything

Literally everyone is winging it in some aspects. You’re doing fine.

Your goal by Day 90: be the person your team says: "they’re new but they get it.” or "they're new but they are awesome and a fast learner."

TL;DR:

• Be curious, not cocky

• Show up, speak up, take notes

• Slack/teams etiquette is a love language- pay attention

• Protect your calendar

• You’ve got this shit